My Parents’ Daughter
I’m convinced that I’m living my life backwards, upside down. I can’t seem to get a bearing on who I am and how I should parent. And, I’m not talking about the darlings that are my children. I’m talking about their grandparents. How do I parent my parents? The short answer – don’t!
My parents are young – just shy of 60 and 62. About three years ago, they retired and moved from LA to a gorgeous home exactly 2.3 miles from us. It was perfect. We enjoyed the everyday … random weeknight dinners, seeing each other in the grocery store, pool parties, sleep overs at grandma and grandpa’s. Then, it changed.
My mother became shaky on her feet – falling often. She slurred her speech and her eyes would drift, resulting in blurry vision. Mostly, she slept all the time and wouldn’t even get up off the couch to greet us or walk us to the door for a goodbye kiss. Now, two years later, we finally have a diagnosis (Myelodysplastic Syndrome – a blood disorder) and a prescribed hormone treatment (Procrit).
The new bi-monthly treatment definitely infuses her with energy, clears her vision and steadies her gate. Unfortunately, the treatment is fleeting resulting in unauthentic highs followed by lows and a tiredness that has spun our family into its own odd rhythm. Even with a renewed energy, her personality seems altered. And, more and more, both my parents’ behavior is unpredictable, which unnerves me more than anything.
I’m constantly processing, assessing and questioning. Should she drive? Should she drink that glass of wine? Should she walk up the stairs? Should I leave my kids alone with her? Did she really just say that? What’s she not telling me?
Myleodysplasia has changed by mother. She’s more inwardly focused and often appears tipsy. She’ll lose her place in thought or have difficulty following a conversation. There have been a few mis-communications between my father and me, as we relay simple info from my mom. It must be horribly frustrating and yet, she handles it with grace and humor. I’m certain this her way of protecting us.
For my father – the change has been just as significant. He’s become hardened and unforgiving of the world. He’s transformed into the ultimate protector, which is mostly good. However, in protecting, he also speaks for her, corrects her and is often exasperated by her. Sometimes, she needs him as a mouthpiece and certainly as an extra set of eyes and ears in navigating world of healthcare. For two people fiercely independent – it’s a complex and somewhat, unforgiving new relationship.
Continued on the next page
Follow Technorati