Shake That! Aging
I spend some time looking in the mirror wondering when all the wrinkles and dark circles snuck onto my face. I pluck gray hairs (yes, from my head and my chin). I am not that old. I do not feel old (all the time). And yet, parenthood has aged me... a lot.
Usually all I can see about aging is negative. I have to (or should) go to the doctor more. Teeth whitening is quickly becoming a necessity and not just a luxury. I'm not grey enough yet for color, but I do have a fund set up for the day when my super-dark hair betrays me because it will soon and I will not let it win. Aging and motherhood seem to have a symbiotic relationship. The more children I have, the faster I get old.
I had a revelation last month that has helped me embrace the positive aspect of the aging that motherhood brings. The revelation came on a dance floor in a bar in my old college town. I was standing there with my husband and his siblings and I was struck at the pure joy of the moment. It was the second weekend in a row I had the chance to get out and both times, I went dancing. At that moment, I was dancing in a college bar surrounded by undergraduates who were much cuter, skinnier and far morescantily clad than I ever was. They were staring from their perches above the almost empty dance floor and most definitely not joining in. Yet, I barely noticed because my attention was focused only on the sounds coming from the DJ booth.
I didn't do that in college. Dance that is. I wanted to, but I almost never did. I, like the kids that night, usually sat back and watched the brave souls who let loose enough to dance in a crowd. Back then, no matter how much liquid courage I had, I didn't join in because I was too worried about looking foolish or not doing it right. So caught up in what other people might think, I wouldn't even allow myself to completely have a good time. I don't think I fully realized it at the time as I had plenty of fun before kids. I was not a total wallflower, but I did spend a decent amount of time holding back-worrying about the opinions of other people.
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