Feature: Soapbox Musings

Why is Apple is Trying to Kill Me?

Author: Marc Girolimetti
Published: September 10, 2010 at 11:44 am
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War of the Worlds spacecraftI should have seen it coming.

It all started with a second generation iMac — the one designed to look like the War of the Worlds alien craft.

No, I'm not talking about the horrible crawling bug-like ones with the wheat combine underneath it from the remake, but rather the original film from 1958. I remember watching that movie with my father, at a very young age, and being a tad scared. So why did it take me nearly ten years to realize Apple has invaded my small piece of the planet and is quietly trying to kill me?

We all know that Apple's products are beautiful. They work really well, barely crash and for the most part are virus-free. However, I've been noticing over the years that their software tends to be the mastermind behind this conspiracy. It's one part Pinky & The Brain, two parts Lex Luthor, and a pinch of Skynet.


Over the last decade I've had two iMacs, two iPods, one Powerbook, one MacBook Pro and one iPhone. Every single one of them have had their issues, primarily with software.

My MacBook Pro is the only victim of a hardware malfunction. In lieu of showing you my dark office that's covered with newspaper clippings, wikileaks and the complete transcripts of Oprah season 15 I will share with you some personal experiences that prove my point.

Exhibit A
I tend to ignore most software updates for a while, with the exception of security patches, which I trust were QA tested a bit more rigorously than a Safari update. When significant updates occur (new version of iTunes, iOS, etc) I scour the Apple support boards and look at my Twitter/Facebook feeds to see what others are saying. I've learned that with Apple software you need to wait a few days or more for the X.1 or X.2 version to be released in order to trust it.

However, after those few days, if I haven't updated, regardless of re-booting the system or not, my machine without fail, will start acting flaky. Suddenly my browser hangs. My mail gets slow. Other applications stop behaving properly. WiFi bars go from five to two.

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Article Author: Marc Girolimetti

Hey it's Marc G. Whatever you see from me here usually will be marinated for at least three days in humor and sarcasm. I try not to take things seriously. I'm from the Boston area and will never use Just For Men to cover my gray hair, because Keith Hernandez of the 1986 Mets, is their spokesperson. …

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