Wannabe Grandparents' Pressure to Have Kids
Have you experienced pressure from your parents to have kids? If you are married, and have yet to "start trying," and your parents and/or inlaws think you should, how do you handle it?
The first thing to figure out is why they want you to have kids. The biggest reason: having grandkids will give meaning to their lives in their senior years.
Many parents and in-laws want their son or daughter and their respective partners to have children because they themselves liked the experience of raising children and want to be part of that process again—this time with their own children.
However, their own “senior existential crisis” can lurk underneath this desire. Often in their later years seniors face a crisis of meaning in their lives. Grandchildren give them a sense of renewed purpose. And guess what: the “expectation” is for their son or daughter to provide them with meaning in their later years. And the way for sons and daughters to do this means giving grandchildren to their parents.
Even if its not about renewed purpose or meaning, at the very least grandchildren help keep them busy in their later years.
The best strategy to deal with the pressure? First, it is good to be able to clearly articulate why you don't want kids (either right now or never). And almost more importantly, get parents and inlaws to see what is in it for them for you to have kids. They need to be asked, "Why is it that you want me to give you grandkids?"
Put the ball in their court for them to realize that more often than not, the pressure is more about them than you, and that what might need to happen is for them to begin focusing on what you want, and support you in what you feel is best for you.
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