TheFurFiles - Star Separation, Dethroned By The Dog, Caught In The Middle
Madame Floretta “Fern” De Villiers, a.k.a. “Amanda Fox”, is an author of erotic fiction and commentary. The following is an excerpt from her advice column.
Friday, May 13th, 2011.
Dear Fern,
I just read that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver are getting a divorce after twenty-five years of marriage. If two people who seem to have everything can’t make it work, what hope is there for the rest of us poor sots?
Sincerely,
Unknown In Uberlandia
Dear Unknown,
Hey, we’d all like to have the latest in lingerie, but you can’t just run into the nearest Victoria’s Secret and grab the first pair of panties you see (like those new brightly colored ones with the sexy gathering at the back) and rip off all your clothes and put on the new stuff and then run out of the store and expect that no one is going to do or say anything about it. I tried that once and I know for a fact that it doesn’t work. That was back in my “I’m entitled to anything I want” days.
Furthermore, some people are just “glory dish doers”, i.e. they come into the kitchen when the meal is over and they say, “Here, let me help with that.” And when you say, “OK,” they proceed by sliding the cloth around on a couple of plates, forgetting to rinse and leaving all the hard stuff like the pots and pans and all the cutlery for you to finish. And you can usually tell if someone is going to be like this by the way they comb their hair. Parted on the left – terrible at cleaning. Parted on the right – regular Molly Maid. Bangs – tramp. Bald – crazy.
So when encountering someone of the first type, I find it best just to say, “No thanks. I’ve got the dishes covered. Why don’t you go relax on the couch? I’ll bring you some sambuca.” It’s what they’ll be expecting, so why not indulge them?
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