TheFurFiles - Friend Zone, Greedy For An Uptown Girl, Wallpaper Woes
Madame Floretta “Fern” De Villiers, a.k.a. “Amanda Fox”, is an author of erotic fiction and commentary. This is her weekly advice column.
Friday, April 8th, 2011.
Dear Fern,
My boyfriend has all kinds of pictures of naked girls on his computer, and he doesn’t even try to hide them. He has them right there on his desktop. In fact, his wallpaper is a rotating bevy of big-breasted beauties. It makes me feel bad because they are all so gorgeous with great bodies and perfect faces. If that’s what he likes, how am I ever supposed to compete?
Sincerely,
Regular In Red Deer
Dear Regular,
I can’t help it that men are perverts. Besides, what would you like me to do about it? Throw darts at their heads whenever I see one walking down the street? Put a pillow over my husband’s face while he sleeps and then when he stops breathing, cackle maniacally, “One down, three and a half billion to go?” Find Brad Pitt, (as he seems to be a pretty good representative for ALL men), tie him up and slowly lick him to death? Well, I’ll tell you right now, I’m not going to do any of those things. Why? Because men are like lice, really annoying but hard as heck to get rid of… So let’s just forget about that and move on to something way more important, like the meaning of life. Here, let me try to define it for you…
It’s eating the same fat-free turkey, havarti cheese, lettuce, Dijon mustard but minus the mayonnaise (because you are trying to get those six-pack abs) on whole wheat bread sandwich everyday for fifteen years straight.
It WAS a whole lotta Coke until you learned that drinking pop is directly linked to pancreatic cancer. Sure, they can put big bottles of it on the kitchen table surrounded by a loving family having dinner and laughing and talking like that’s what people ACTUALLY do at meal time, but Coke is still Coke – water mixed with a crap load of sugar and artificial flavors that is in no way shape or form good for you.
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