TheFurFiles - Bin Laden Loved The Ladies, PDA's Not OK, Sucky In The Sack
Madame Floretta “Fern” De Villiers, a.k.a. “Amanda Fox”, is an author of erotic fiction and commentary. The following is an excerpt from her weekly advice column.
Friday, May 20th, 2011.
Dear Fern,
I heard on the news this week that Osama bin Laden loved porn. Why am I not surprised that a scumbag like him was would watch stuff like that? See, I knew porn was for degenerates. And to say that he watched it because it may have contained secret intelligence messages is a load of crap. He was watching it for the naked women and the raunchy imagery. Any comment?
Sincerely,
Not A Fan Of Flagrant F%$#@ing
Dear Not,
I both agree AND disagree with you. If it’s true that Osama bin Laden had a large collection of pornography stashed away (like what man doesn’t?), I agree that he probably wasn’t watching “Love For The First Time” with Randy Spears and Carmen Hart because he was checking for secret messages. That’s like saying that Monica Lewinsky was covertly “taking dictation” from Bill Clinton while she was “foibling his doible”.
I don’t know much, but I do know one thing: if a hot woman walks down the street and there’s a line of construction workers (all of whom are men with maybe one really tough woman in the group) sitting on a wall eating their lunches, one of them is likely to yell, “Hey, sweet cheeks, wanna come for a ride on my merry-go-round of love?”
It’s a fact: guys like to look at hot women; they like to look at hot naked women; they like to look at hot naked women having sex. OK sure, some guys like to look at hot naked MEN, and women as well like to look at hot naked men and sometimes women in bunny suits rocking back and forth on top of giant Easter eggs, but that’s a whole other story. And I hate to say it, but Osama was a man – not a good man – but a man nonetheless. Bottom line: as a man, Osama bin Laden was a sexual being, and this bit about him having oodles of porn on his computer only confirms the obvious – that he was obsessed with Whitney Houston and that he collected movies starring women who looked like her. Crazy, huh?
Osama = man = lover of porn. True or not, what’s the big whoop? Is that even news? It’s like saying, “And our top story tonight: if you look outside your window, you will see a few robins pecking at the ground looking for worms.”
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