Road to Recovery Begins In the Mind
“I can’t get serious with you because I can’t risk you getting fat again.” The man I had been seeing said it with a pained look on his handsome face. I was fifty pounds lighter and well on my way to good health when this statement was uttered. Honestly, my first thoughts are not appropriate to repeat. My next thought ran along the lines of “Man, I was not an alcoholic just fat!” I was offended and hurt but it really made me think. Would I judge this man in the same way if he said, “Amy, I can’t get serious with you because I can’t risk you drinking again.”? I don’t think so. Having had close family members battle with the disease of alcoholism I can understand a person not wanting to risk it. Is being obese really as bad as being an alcoholic? My immediate thought is “NO!” but when I think about it objectively…maybe.
At my heaviest I was a dull version of myself. The lines of “Amy” were almost too blurry to distinguish and I risked losing myself completely. I was slowly poisoning myself with food, lack of movement, and self-pity. Most of my money was spent on food or eating out. My relationships suffered because I was so incredibly self-conscious that I never wanted to leave the house. I was ALWAYS sick or too tired to have fun. Some of my deepest desires were impossible with so much weight on my body. I could always find someone or something to blame for my condition too. It was only food though! I would justify to myself that it was not serious because it was not drugs or alcohol….just fat. It was a self-destructive lifestyle that mirrored my alcoholic loved ones.
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