PerpPlexity: Unusual Weapons Division
PerpPlexity is a periodical celebration of criminals who have yet to reach the mastermind status — we'll settle for asking them to simply think the next time.
For today, here's a four-pack of unusual assault cases ranging from karmic conclusions to simply odd. But they all involve weapons that you may not have previously thought would be useful. Thankfully, in all instances, they were not:
Liliha, Hawaii — A couple of fiftysomething roommates, in a less funnier version of The Odd Couple, got into an altercation when the older (wiser?) roommate attacked his buddy with a wooden table leg. (It's like a baseball bat, but it's way more tropical-chic.) Somewhere a three-legged table stands, but just barely.
Oklahoma City — 30-year-old Oscar Blakely tried to attack his older relative with a computer monitor. The potential victim then shot Blakely in self-defense, wounding him but not threatening his life. This proves the old adage: never bring a computer monitor to a gun fight.
Anchorage, Alaska — Well, it's cold in Alaska. Why wouldn't you use an ice scraper as a combat weapon? (This is a week old story, but ice scraper assault stories never die.)
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan — There's ice in Alaska and bears in Canada. In keeping with tundra-related cultural stereotypes, of course your area Saskatchewanian burglars will try to use bear spray on the residents during a break-in. It doesn't harm them, but in three to five days your backyard will be infested with bears. Bring enough honey.
Here at PerpPlexity, we encourage criminals to seek out new and unusual weapons. They tend to work poorly. But maybe you can figure out the secret to them!
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