On The Slippery Slope To "Dancing With The Dogs"
Dancing With The Stars has already given us a one-legged hoofer, a deaf dancer, a personality and rhythm-challenged political progeny, a couple of celebrities so old they had to dance with a cane, and Kate Gosselin, for whom there really is no category.
This is one of my favorite guilty pleasure TV shows, but the gimmicks are wearing a little thin. My wife and I have been ballroom dancing for the last decade, and we've seen just about everything by now. I can tell you for an absolute fact that it's hard enough to move your feet to the music even if you can hear it, but it's just about impossible if you can't. Likewise, at times it may appear that I have two left feet, but at least I have TWO feet. I like to remind our instructor, when he suggests some complex shimmying or hip-swiveling combination, about the very real phenomenon of the ability curve and the age curve…once they have crossed, no amount of talent or determination can make the body do things of which it is incapable, and Buzz Aldrin and Cloris Leachman proved this point beyond reasonable doubt.
Now the genius producers at DWTS are talking about showcasing a same-sex couple. Specifically, they've approached Ellen Degeneres' significant other, Portia DeRossi, who's thankfully declined their generous offer. Look, I'd enjoy seeing Portia and Chelsie Hightower nipple to nipple as much as the next guy, but the novelty would wear off in about ten minutes.
I've seen plenty of gay couples ballroom dancing over the years, both men and women, and it's just fine…but it's not terribly entertaining. In fact, it's often downright painful. There's the whole issue of who's going to lead and who's going to follow, and things like dips and lifts are just plain awkward. Beyond that, while there might be one episode's amusement in a Portia/Chelsie pairing, just imagine Nathan Lane with Derek Hough…I'm already reaching for the remote.
It's time for Dancing With The Stars to return to it's roots…reviving the careers of B,C, and D-list celebrities with yards of spandex and barrels of sequins. Please, no more "Dancing With The Handi-Capable", "Dancing With The Decrepit", or "Dancing With Aliens". Isn't Lindsay Lohan just about finished with rehab?
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